Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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