I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
