now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
