Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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