I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
