She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
