I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
