I'm eating all of the evidence.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
