I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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