I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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