apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
