In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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