babies were throwing up all over the place
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
