Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
