just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize