All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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