he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
