apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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