Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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