I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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