My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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