fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
