You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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