If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
