just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.