I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They have beer where we have blood.