I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.