i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
