Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high