Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.