don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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