My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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