i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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