so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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