According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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