Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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