I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
