you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
