just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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