I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
