It's Friday. Sex?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
