I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
