So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
