trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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