that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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