I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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