What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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