need another drink. this is the easiest way
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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