so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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