This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize