Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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