There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
