So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
