I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
