Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
