I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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