i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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