Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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