like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
