I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
