i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
