It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
