Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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