Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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