when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
