Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
