i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
