that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize