so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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