i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize