I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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