I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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