respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.