I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND