You're completely useless in the revolution.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.