Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit